Defining a Friend

There are a few questions that I can ask someone and quickly determine whether or not we will be friends.

1) Do you like corn on the cob? This is an easy one. If you can't appreciate one of the fundamental joys of summer -- getting it stuck in your teeth, lips covered in a buttery, salty gloss, then we clearly DO NOT speak the same language!!!

2) Do you flash your lights to let people know there is a cop ahead? Who DOESN'T do this?! Isn't it just the tiniest courtesy we owe to the anonymous drivers on the road that "hey, pal, slow up... there's a cop ahead just aching to give someone a ticket!"? Don't we wish that someone had warned us when we are pulled over at the side of the road and people are gawking at us as we search for our registration among napkins, pens and other sundries in our glove box? Come on! Show us the love.

3) Do you like pets? If you don't know how to treat a pet, you don't know how to treat a friend. They require much of the same thing -- attention, love, and good conversation and they give it in return. It's all about taking care of someone beside yourself and not feeling put out by it. Yes, you can't just up and leave for vacation without finding someone to take care of them, but you have someone who will be happy to see you when you get back. Sometimes that is not as easy to find as you might think. (On the upside, you rarely have to clean up after your friend's bodily functions.) :-)

That pretty much covers it. So... are we friends?